I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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