I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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