apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
