I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
