I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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