Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
