Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
