o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
