Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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