I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
