i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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