Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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