Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
