you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
