in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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