Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
