don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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