I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
