batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.