my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.