Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
