I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
