How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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