My room smells like vodka and shame
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
