she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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