If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
