Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
