you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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