Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
