she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
