Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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