Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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