FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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