Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
