Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
