He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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