im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
