remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
