I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
