i need an iv and a liver transplant
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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