remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Text me some of your sweat
dude. I can hear the air.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
