This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
