I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
