wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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