Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize