was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How does one acquire holy water?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
