The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
