I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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