somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
