it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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