Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
