im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
