Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
