I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
