The maid of honor just puked.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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