Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
