the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
