i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
