I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
