i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
