Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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