Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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