i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
