i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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