I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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