I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
