you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize