So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
