Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just high enough for therapy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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