His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
