DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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