How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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