my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
