had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize