I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
how drunk are you?
Several
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
