I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
