I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
