hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
