Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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