After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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