So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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